The waiting game is hard.
While waiting on edits, my wonderful publisher was sweet enough to get the cover started, and completely surprised me with it. I had a minor freak out moment, to say the least.
I mean, a cover is a BIG deal.
This is the moment all authors dream about, and wait for. The moment where it feels like their book is REALLY a REAL book.
It hit me like a tidal wave of emotions. It became more real to me. Then my fears started rolling in.
“My book won’t be good enough. Everyone will hate it. I won’t make any sales. My friends will shun me when they see what a sham I am.” Suddenly, with a cover image in my hands, I was a ball of nerves.
“This is really happening. I’m really going to be an author. I’m really going to have my work out there for people to see it, and criticize it, and give me one star reviews, and tell me I’m stupid on Amazon for the whole world to see and judge me. Am I ready for this crazy ride? Am I tough enough, strong enough? Can I really pull this off?”
All these fears that MOST writers have before signing the contract, I was suddenly having after the fact. I guess I’m a bit slow. I never understood all the writers’ fears up until now. And it’s hitting me like a bag full of rusty nails.
Ok, maybe not quite that painful.
As you can imagine, this negative mind frame was probably not what my publisher was expecting. It sure wasn’t what I was expecting following a cover design for my baby (my book). But I guess I hadn’t gone through all the proper emotions and phases that authors/writers typically do.
I needed to go through the scared phase.
Heck, I’m still in it.
I hadn’t been scared before. I had been overly confident and cocky. Maybe God needed to slap me down a few pegs. Maybe I needed the humbling experience before the review wolves come out to ravage my tender soul. Maybe God’s trying to toughen me up. Prepare me.
Maybe God knew I needed to be in a weak place to fully accept his guiding hands during this whole experience.
When we are weak then He is strong.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
Well, guess what God? You got my attention. And I humbly grasp your hand as I prepare to walk this journey of publication with you.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you. Let me use these moments of weakness for Your Glory, Lord. Thank you for being my strength.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14 (NIV)
If you are in the middle of your own publishing journey, please tell us in the comments below how God has used your own personal journey to shape and mold you.